Food With Friends · Gluten-Free · Guest Post · Misc.

Guest Post: Chilli (g/f)

Introducing a guest post from a good friend of mine, who I first met quite a while ago now when I was still in my first year of Uni. I’ve had the pleasure of eating his homemade chilli before, so when he sent me a message telling me he’d made more, and even had photos he’d be willing to let me share on this blog I was thrilled. I straight up asked him if he’d be interested in doing a guest post, and was delighted when he agreed! So here, for the first time on I Need a Feed, is Professor Jimbles! And I hope our following mingling of craziness and chit-chat isn’t too confusing…

PJ: Oops. I accidentally made chilli.

DN: (You slipped and made a batch of delicious chilli? That seems like a rather fortunate accident!)

PJ: Okay, I’ll level with you, it was entirely pre-planned and organised. I’m Professor Jimbles, and I write almost exclusively on Roleplaying games and pop culture over at “The Grassy Gnoll“. But I took a bunch of pictures when I was making a chilli for a work bake off (Long story.) and thought perhaps I could send the whole thing over to deliciouslynell and see if I’m interesting enough for inclusion.

DN: (Which he is)

PJ: Start with this:

chillistep1

Or, in simple text-based format:

  • 200 grams Bacon
  • 1.5 kilograms beef mince (Low to medium quality, it’ll be cooked for a while.)
  • 2 cans diced Tomatoes
  • 30g chilli paste
  • 3 large capsicums (1 of each main colour is nice.)
  • 3 large bay leaves
  • 20g Hungarian sweet paprika
  • 4 cans of four bean mix (400g cans.)
  • 2 jars of Passata
  • 3 large onions
  • 1 egg
  • Salt and pepper to taste.
  • Beer to keep me sane.

PJ: Method is pretty standard.

DN: (You can’t tell from this photo alone, but PJ has a beautiful kitchen to work with, and easily twice as much storage space as we do here at my house. When helping PJ and his partner, Miss E move, another friend and I joked that we could both sleep on different parts of the bench and there would still be space!)

PJ: Dice the onion into small chunks and drop into the bottom of the pan with your favourite cooking oil and the spices.

chillistep2

PJ: Cook until the onion-spice-mix until they’re translucent. Don’t go the whole way into golden brown, because we’re not finished with it. While it’s cooking (OH NO! I hope you didn’t finish the onion before finishing the sentence! Wait, are you reading and cooking this in real time? That is ill-advised. You’re going to have lots of trouble when I go off the rails down there. ) you need to cut the bacon up into strips. Throw it into the pot and cook. If we timed it right, the onion will get nice and brown at the same time as the bacon gets ready.

DN: (Mm, I can almost smell that onion cooking now! But he has a point, it’s best to read all the directions before getting started!)

PJ: Cut the mince into squares for easier separation. Then, because I’m crazy, DUMP IT ALL IN.

chillistep3

PJ: YES. YES, LIKE THAT. Now crush some salt with your bare hands. Flex those muscles. Crush the pepper into this pile of flesh while you’re at it, and drive it before you in blessed victory.

DN: (For those of us who don’t have salt-crushing, pepper grinding muscles, feel free to use regular shakers. It won’t be half as amusing, or as much of a challenge. But that’s all right.)

Marvel

PJ: Ignore the dog, she speaks only lies.

DN: (How am I supposed to ignore her, even when cooking?! Dear readers, this is Marvel. She’s the little one I was cuddling a while back, the one who moved me to tears of happiness. She loves to be around people and is more than happy to try and get into the kitchen to see what’s happening. The other night I was only too thrilled to be her distraction while PJ’s partner Miss E, cooked Mr. P and I an amazing dinner. She is the cutest little sausage dog, and she loves to have a cuddle! She also loves to lick the insides of bacon packets…)

PJ: Cook the mixture down just a little. We don’t want to seal the meat to the binding goodness that is this.

chillistep4

PJ: Yes. You’ve trained all your life for this moment. Tell me… what do you do with it?

DN: (Ooh, ooh! Pick me! I know, I know!)

chillistep5

PJ: Alright, maybe it was a bit easier than it first seemed. Now I’m not sure why we spent your entire life training you for it.

…Sorry for ruining your life.

DN: (I’ll forgive you if I can cuddle Marvel again!)

PJ: Okay, back on track. Break the mince up into small chunks and stir the egg and salt so they’re combined. Cook this mincy-meaty-eggy-oniony concoction until it’s turned brown the whole way through.

Add These:

chilli6

PJ: To this:

chilli7

PJ: And you will end up with this:

chilli8

DN: (Done and done!)

PJ: Which is good! Then add the chilli paste. If you want to go off recipe, throw in some italian herbs like basil, oregano and thyme, though this defeats the American nature of this dish. (Pff, like I know what I’m doing.)

DN: (That’s all right PJ, all you have to do is make it look like you know. Then the world will be none the wiser…)

PJ: Stir them all through. Get it ready for the next step in our relationship.

Tomatoes.

It’s okay. We’ll be gentle, and it’ll put us together in a way we could never have expected. I love you, beany-oniony-bacony-mincey-spicy mix.

DN: (As do I!)

Pour all of the passata and the cans of diced tomatoes into the pot. (No no, like this…

chilli9

 

And… This.)

chilli10

PJ: STIR. STIR VIGOROUSLY. OR ALL WILL BE RUINED.

DN: (I’m stirring! I’m stirring!)

PJ: Then, it should look a little like this.

chilli13

PJ: NO! NO NO NO! I DIDN’T SAY CAPSICUM YET. GET BACK OUT OF THE POT.

chilli12

PJ: Good. Now pay attention, as this is important.

…Add the capsicum into the pot.

chilli13

DN: (Cheeky monkey!)

PJ: Oh, wait. Did I leave a seed on the capsicum?

chilli14

DN: (Ahahahaha!)

PJ: Are you kidding me? How will anyone take me seriously now?

Forget it, DeliciouslyNell.

chilli15

PJ: Just forget it, I can’t do it, and they’re all going to laugh at me. I only have one recourse left to me.

chilli16

PJ: See you next time.

DN: (And that dear readers, is a wrap. But remember, there’s always a friend out there ready and willing to have a laugh with you. Better still, those friends will sometimes be interested in a meal, or maybe even just a drink. Thanks to Professor Jimbles for this lovely guest post, and thank you to him for all the times he’s made me laugh! Not to mention that one time he cured my hiccups using a rather unorthodox method of surprising me…And a big thank you to his partner, Miss E, as well. She’s one of the most well grounded, amiable people I’ve ever met, and she never fails to make me laugh either. I’m blessed to have the two of you as my friends, and I hope we continue to get up to shenanigans together for years to come!)

Advertisements

16 thoughts on “Guest Post: Chilli (g/f)

      1. Alcohol, food, and teenage testosterone are rarely a good mix 😉 And at that age, I knew everything. Now I am older, I know better 🙂

        And Rachel is fascinated by dachshunds now and is going to interrogate Grandad about Simba the dachshund.

        Like

      2. 😀 Ahahaha! Well Professor Jimbles will be glad that he’s inspired her! And that’s rather wise of you, Mac. I’ve only just hit the know better years myself, and oh boy does it feel strange! 😉

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s